Thursday, 31 May 2012

Bed time fears

Tara is fine all day. She is so busy playing that any emotional discomfort or fears stay subdued...until bedtime. As we get her ready for bed, her voice goes small and her tears start to flow. Her anxieties surface and she tries to explain her side of the matter in question to me.

This is the worst time she could bring up her problems. We are both tired, and Tara needs to relax and sleep on time to be sufficiently rested for the next day. I feel like the worst Mum on the planet when I find myself unable to deal with Tara's issues at bedtime in a controlled and efficient manner. The last two nights I could really have done with Tara sleeping on time, with a smile on her face so I could find my own time to release my feelings by crying, or writing or cleaning up.

Tara's tears at bedtime have been very hard for me to take these last few days. The issue this time is the same old one from the recent past - lunch time at school and the teachers telling her to finish her lunch, and Tara crying and forcing herself to eat. I am furious, exhausted and very upset for my little girl all at the same time.

I have written to the class teacher and hopefully things will be worked out soon.

I cannot afford the luxury of taking my own time and allowing myself the liberty of feeling down and low. I feel the pressure of getting myself sorted out as soon as possible. I love you Tara. Mummy's super hero cape has a few holes that need to be patched up...soon. I'm seeking inspiration in the words of a wise old man called The Terminator who once said "I'll be back!" 

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