Tuesday, 29 January 2013

We did it !

I have been disoriented the last few weeks. What's new you might say.

It takes just a day to turn things around. The Husband has finally got his elusive permanent job. Yes, Tara's Papa will be coming home. I had been waiting for this news for years now. And when it came there was a range of emotions, but strangely there was no outpouring of joy and excitement. I must be crazy!

Instead, feelings range from disorientation, numbness, extreme exhaustion and other such strange feelings.

The Husband conveniently fell prey to a pretty strong bout of Man-flu the day he aced his interview and got the job. So celebrations were not to be. It was a relief because of everything I was feeling. Its been 5 days since this momentous event has turned our worlds around, and still I feel strange....out of synch. What on earth has happened?

Could one get so used to being on edge and in constant survival mode that when things change, one doesn't know how to change anymore?

A quick update on Tara. She is doing fine. Her reaction to her Papa getting his job was that she could stay in her school and can she now go to Disneyland? We had promised her this trip once we knew we were had a job and were going to be alright.

There is so much to do, trips to plan, houses to change, lives to settle...and most important for Mum (that would be me) to get her bearings back.

Well done Tara's Papa. You did good! 

Sunday, 6 January 2013

The end of Christmas Holidays

I'm feeling a bit shaky today. It's the start of Tara's school term tomorrow, and I'm feeling terribly confused and emotionally muddled.

This year we had our first Christmas at home...just the three of us, and it was wonderful. The Husband had time off for Christmas, the tree was put up, the decorations went on, presents wrapped and Santa even ate the cookies Tara left for him the night before. The excitement, the squeals of joy, the tight hugs and the smiling content faces at the end of it all made it a wonderful day.

Tara's Christmas holidays started off with her being ill for almost ten days. Soon after she got better, I went down , for the third time in the last few months with a viral illness. Im much better now but still have a bit of a residual cough and sore throat. The Husband ended up looking after Tara and I over the last two weeks.

He went back to work today. Tara gulped down tears as she watched him drive away and said she hated it when her Papa left her. I immediately distracted her and we had a bit of fun playing on the computer.

I put Tara to bed, completed all the household chores and sat restlessly in front of the television, unable to settle on any channel. Nothing looked interesting. So I turned it off came back here, to my space, to "talk". Tomorrow is the first day of Tara's school. Back to daily routine. The house feels strange without The Husband. It will feel colder tomorrow without my little one.

Post Christmas blues? I don't think so. The idea of The Husband driving across the country, every weekend to be with us for one day and then leaving the next day for a cold, lonely drive back to his work is gut wrenching, especially when I see Tara. She's growing up now, and needs both her parents close to her.

Something will give...soon.