Wednesday, 31 October 2012


Tara had been counting down to Halloween since....last Halloween.

She was excited all day, inspite of the pouring, incessant rain. At 6:30 pm, wrapped up warm, she stepped out with The Husband in her ghost costume with her Disney basket and pink wellies, to go trick or treating in the rain. This year was different. People opened doors and gave a coin or some sweets. This year also saw the little ones out at around 6:30 pm, (nice and early), and the absence of teenagers pounding on doors after 9:00 pm. I wondered why? Whatever the reason it felt nice

I reciprocated and handed out sweets to many little ones, their excited faces wet in the rain but happy, priceless smiles shone through. Tara returned with her basket of sweets, content and wet.

There were many Monsters out and about today, but none compared to the worst of the lot - me. I am a prisoner to my rage and snappiness. Ten or so days to my period and I am an out of control freak. The Husband's constant connection to his various gadgets, from twitter to his ipad have been my trigger point this time. I wanted half term to be about family, with each other in the real sense but I cannot get past all the icrap surrounding our lives these days. It brings me to boiling point to see him glued to some device every minute of the day. It's a modern addiction and I can't stand it.

Monday, 29 October 2012

Pretty Pink earrings

It was a quick and easy dual ear piercing. Tara is now proudly displaying tiny pink earrings. She wanted the Hello Kitty ones but I said she had to have a discreet pair for school. I know what's on her next birthday list though.

More than the actual piercing it is the after care that is making me nervous. Moving and turning the ear rings so they don't have build up and cause infection is not something I look forward to to three times a day. The whole process takes around six weeks. After this Tara has to keep her earrings on for 6 months to ensure the hole does not close up.

So with Saturday behind us I was hoping to get on with a happy family half term week. It's not going to plan and I am quite sad.

My PMS has kicked in big time and I find myself unable to control my irritability and snapping. This was fuelled by The Husband who came back from work with a sulk and a distinct lack of enthusiasm for any family activity. That is one thing that gets to me, and PMS not helping it's been a disastrous few days.

Poor Tara, poor Husband and poor me :-(

Saturday, 27 October 2012

It's the dreaded Saturday today..

Well "dreaded Saturday" for me actually. Tara is over the moon.

Later today I am taking Tara in to get both ears pierced. I am frightened beyond belief, but Tara is excited. Maybe she doesn't realize the full scale of what exactly transpires in having her ears done. Or maybe as a Mum inflicting discomfort (limited discomfort I am told) voluntarily on my flesh and blood is making me ill with anxiety.

All the people Ive spoken to (including little children) have said it's no big deal and the pain is short and  bearable, but I'm still not relaxed about it. It's got to be done at some point so now is as good a time as any. The Husband is home for the week, I've already booked a doctor's appointment in advance should something go wrong, and Tara is excited at the prospect of going back to school with "real" ear-rings.

So once Tara is back from her classmate's party we're off!! Wish me luck!! 

Thursday, 25 October 2012

Half Term sleep

The best kind of sleep is half term sleep. No alarm clocks, just good old sleep..for all of us...hmmmm.... Snuggled up in her duvet Tara woke up with a silly smile as she sleepily said, "There's no hurry's half term!" We lay back and cuddled for a few minutes more and then the day began.

Of course after that it was back to back stuff to do. I gave in around mid day and allowed her to watch a Barbie movie. There's something about movies and Tara. She is Focus personified when she watches movies and does not expect any interaction or participation from me. In fact she prefers I say nothing at all as she immerses herself in the plot. You could even believe she wasn't in the house.

While I am a strong advocate of limited television and technology in Tara's life, I also believe that school holidays are a time to relax the rules a bit. The novelty of a movie, unsceduled and accompanied by some snacks is hard to beat!

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Itchy Teeth?

Tara has been cranky and has been having little accidents all over the house today. Every time I turn to do sometging I hear an "OW!!" as Tara has bumped her head on a wall or a table for the hundredth time. On top of all this she has been complaining of "itchy teeth" for the last few days. I know her permanent teeth have started coming through and she has a wobbly tooth too, but I haven't heard of anyone complaining of itchy teeth before.

Growing up is not easy business :-(

I wish I could make things easier....or at least figure out what "itchy teeth" means.

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Harvest Festival

It was the Year 1 Harvest festival today. I feel like a veteran after one year of watching Tara on stage. I still remember how my eyes filled up with tears the first time I saw Tara perform in her slightly too long school uniform.

Today was different. I was tired, not teary, just not enthused at the whole affair. I smiled and nodded at Tara who looked exhausted but did her part very well. It must be her teeth troubling her, and of course the exhaustion that accompanies kids near half term. The good news is that Tara's Papa has a week off for half term. This weekend is a birthday party, and I plan to get Tara;s ears pierced. (gulp) It's just got to be done, better sooner than later. Someone's got to inherit all my lovely jewellery :-)

I must remember to have everyone rested, fed and watered. I must also remember to keep my temper in check and not shout.

Friday, 19 October 2012

So, so tired

Tara and I are so tired today. I actually wanted to keep her off school today, but the kids are practicing hard for their harvest festival show on Monday. tara has a line or two and a couple of songs so she has to get her rehearsals done.

I'm tired and I should go to bed. Late nights, after Tara is in bed and all the little jobs are done, are for quiet times, to get things done, watch a bit of television, or to come here - to my little world and just write. It's important to me, but so is my sleep.

Tomorrow is the weekend. The Husband will be back. He's a bit under the weather, so it's not looking like a fun few days ahead.

Thursday, 18 October 2012

Speed it up Tooth Fairy!!

Tara has been irritable, and poking at her teeth for a few weeks now. One new tooth is pushing up behind a lower baby tooth and is causing all sorts of 'itches and ouchies'. Poor thing...why isn't the Tooth fairy hurrying up?

Tara knows she will get a coin for every tooth she loses, and told me very seriously that she needs to have a bank account to save all her riches. A sense of financial responsibility at five?? I am impressed. I will take her up to the bank this week sometime and open a little kiddies account. It won't take away her 'ouchies', but will reassure her that the Tooth fairy's coins will have a safe home.

Lots of kisses..

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Weepy Wednesday

Tara was tired this morning. But she had a busy day with a school trip and some extra classes lined up as well. She complained of a ticklish throat this morning and came back home with a bleeding knee after she fell over at school.

Later this afternoon she was clingy and wept for no reason.

Tiredness? Or is she coming down with something...or both..

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Two for Tuesday

As promised I collected the little boy along with Tara, and we came home. I had two very tired children with me. So I did the unthinkable. I gave them ice cream and switched on the television. Mickey Mouse and an ice cream cone did the job.

After that the children played with each other for a while and after the little boy's father picked him up, Tara collapsed in a pile saying she wanted to eat dinner and go to bed.

I have a feeling she is coming down with something...

Monday, 15 October 2012

Manic Monday

Tara had the "dawdles" on Monday morning. It's funny how the week before half term, children get tired and listless. It always reminds me that half term is or should be a time of rest and recuperation. Many times we try to fill the half term holidays with "things to do", when it should be a lot less to do.

I had a frantic call from another Mum. A nice lady with one little boy. She had a problem picking up her little boy after school tomorrow, and wondered if i could take him home with me for an hour.

No problem. Happy to help :-)

Sunday, 14 October 2012


We washed the car, not much else...missing The Husband..

Saturday, 13 October 2012


It's been an incomplete weekend without The Husband, but we managed.

A bit of art, a bit of cycling, a bit of reading and an afternoon movie. It was fun, but incomplete without Tara's Papa.

Until next week..

Friday, 12 October 2012

Weekend without Papa

It feels awful on a weekend without The Husband. Tara is aware of the fact that he won't be coming today so is looking towards me for some playing time.

What's wrong with me these days? I can summon energy to do all the house work and more, but am so averse to playing kiddie games with Tara. I used to do it with all the sound effects and enthusiastic participation when Tara was smaller, but now the very idea of play acting, holding a doll brings on a headache. I am always over compensating for the fact that Tara is an only child and has only me to play with at home. Even her school has gone more academic with much less play time than Reception year, so Tara feels the need to squeeze in as much play time after school than before.

But off late I just cannot bring myself to "play". Why? I don't know. If anyone does, please help! 

Thursday, 11 October 2012

I just want Mummy..Waaahhh...!!

So that's what happened when I went to pick up Tara at 5:30 pm after her 2 hour session at school aftercare. I was very shocked when she came racing into my arms sobbing. I looked up at the teacher who also looked quite shocked. Tara hugged me, was quiet all the way home, perhaps slightly embarrassed.

I said we would talk at home. At home there was more cuddling and sniffing. At the end of my fact finding I concluded that:

a) Two hours was a bit too long for first time aftercare
b) I discovered that all was going well until the other children's parents picked them up - some at 5:00 pm others at 5:15 pm, leaving only Tara and another child alone in school with their teacher.

I was under the impression that everyone left together but was wrong. Shivers ran down my spine when I remembered what my school felt like devoid of children - scary and ominous. Maybe Tara felt the same way. I told Tara that she chose to go to aftercare, and she didn't have to. But if she did want to go again, I could pick her up sooner.

Tara took a while to settle down yesterday. Luckily her spirits soared when her Papa walked through the door to sort out his car issues. He was there this morning to take her to school and again this afternoon to pick her up in his new (second hand) car and play with her afterwards. He will go back early morning tomorrow, and not be back this weekend.

It might be a long weekend. :-(

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

After care

Tara finally got her way, and I'm reluctantly sending her to her school after care tomorrow. Sometimes I wonder if schools subliminally feed messages to children, encouraging the pester power in them. I have never seen a child so eager to stay back after school hours.

Time will tell..

Monday, 8 October 2012

Tooth fairy

The Husband ended up taking Tara to the birthday party yesterday. I could breathe properly again almost instantly as he said he would. He must love me  really :-)

Yesterday was another event in our little world. Tara's first adult tooth has sprung! Not the way we imagined or preferred, but it did. Tara's got what is commonly called a 'shark tooth'. It's an adult tooth that's come up behind her lower milk tooth. After an initial panic, we researched a bit and calmed down.

Now we await the Tooth fairy...

Sunday, 7 October 2012


Tara has a birthday party to attend today. It's at a strange time, neither morning nor late afternoon, and it's three hours long, as opposed to the usual two. It is also The Husband who does birthday party duty, but because of the timing he may not be able to. He usually drives back to work on Sunday afternoon.

So why am I nervous about taking Tara to a kid's party? That's because the venue happens to be an aquarium, and a parent is required to be at the premises. I struggle to breathe in any environment that has anything to do with outer space or under-water. Growing up, I was always the butt of jokes when the entire family sat together to watch a movie like Star Wars or even Moonraker. Everyone was having a good time, except I who was gasping like a goldfish. I always tried to stay the course of the movie, so my evil cousins didn't poke fun at me, but struggled horribly as I was unable to breathe.

Old memories are flooding back and I have been a bit out of breath all day yesterday. Let's see. A good book, a quiet corner and a strong cup of coffee should help.

Saturday, 6 October 2012

Back where we started

The money The Husband earned by doing overtime when we were away in India is in the bank account. We also found a decent car, (within budget) to be collected and paid for this week. Money in - money out.

We are back where we started, ready to start saving again for that all important Disneyland trip we promised Tara. It had been within touching distance...but that's life. 

Thursday, 4 October 2012

Revolt !!!

It was the funniest thing I'd seen in a long time. Tara's school has a policy of collecting the children in the playground in the morning. When the teacher in charge on the day blows a whistle the children get in line to file into their classrooms.

Today the teacher in charge happened to be very mild mannered, and the kids were in a militant mood. When the whistle blew, the older children formed a conga line and started doing the conga all around the playground! The poor teacher blew her whistle repeatedly but to no avail. Tara looked at me longingly and I gave her the go ahead nod to join the conga line.

I couldn't stop laughing. A few other teachers showed up to set the cheeky monkeys in order and all was quiet.

Tara's cheeks were rosy red from laughing, and we shared a knowing look before I went my way.

 My sympathies with the teacher but what a laugh!!

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Nails and tales

I got Tara back from school in the pouring rain. We did a bit of homework, and a few experiments on magnetic and non magnetic materials. Everything was going fine, till she started pressing a few wrong buttons and my "shouts" started to rumble inside me. I almost lost it, but pulled back just in time to set the day back on track.

Hasty conclusion of homework, experiments, a quick dinner and a bath later, I decided to cut Tara's nails. It turned out to be a very good idea. Tara watched as I tackled her nails, then started regaling me with tales about her day. Very rare but I enjoyed it. I pulled out my nail file and picked at little bits of sand just under her nail. Now Tara was very impressed that she was being treated like a big girl - file and all! After that we read a few books and my little girl went to bed.

It's very obvious but being self aware is so important. Ever since I made the decision to be really "aware" of how I behave or react, things are much more in my control. I still have some way to go, but I'll get there.

Monday, 1 October 2012

Winds of change

I can feel winds of change. I can't put my finger on it, but off late have this sense of major changes afoot. Life has good and bad changes so I don't know what to expect. Instead I am preparing myself for change. If things turn out good, I will savour with gratitude. If not, I will attempt to face whatever comes like a true Mummy warrior.

Tara has been going to school as a matter of routine now. There are no major issues, and she seems to enjoy herself. She asked me yesterday if she could stay for a day in after care. Now either she likes school too much, or it is a reflection of my incompetence as a Mum. I hope it's not the latter. Apart from the money aspect, it may not be such a bad idea to see what Tara's thinks of school after care. As a lonesome mummy, with no husband in sight and no family around, it might be useful to have a back up plan. Will give it a try after talking to The Husband this weekend.

The Husband's car has been officially written off, and we are in a hurry to buy a half decent and safe car before the insurance reclaims its courtesy vehicle at the end of this week. No shortage of effort, just a shortage of cars within our budget.

It must be crazily difficult for The Husband to make an eight hour journey every week to see us. When he is here Tara is all over him and wants to pack everything in the one day she has. It never works out that way as a day flies past with not much achieved, The Husband ready to drive back, and Tara dejected. I play the annoying Mum spouting wisdom about being grateful and happy with what we have. I do mean it, but I do feel guilty wanting a bit more.