Sunday, 4 November 2012

Is it a school day?

The last few days, as soon as Tara wakes up she asks, "Is it a school day?" I say no, and she gets on with her day. I started getting a bit anxious and had an attack of 'what ifs". What if Tara is upset at going back to school? What if she worries about lunch time? What if....and it went downhill from there.

This morning Tara asked me the same question and I said it's only Sunday and school is not until tomorrow. She groaned and mumbled, "Why isn't it Monday yet! I can't wait to show my earrings to my friends!"

Is that all it was? I ruined my peace of mind with worries that didn't warrant any of my precious brain time. With every passing day I'm getting closer to reaching my place of repair and restoration. This is just another incident that reaffirmed the need for mental regrouping, balance and getting focus back in my life.

The Husband is going back to work today. He won't be back for two weeks. It will be hard but as usual I will  manage. It is easier when Tara is in school. I miss her but can get a lot done. And life goes on....

Friday, 2 November 2012

Getting there

What I like about this hallowed writing space is that I can express what I feel. No one reads it and I  freely 'speak' my mind.  Would I write differently if a hundred people read my random ramblings? I think not. I have a fairly unremarkable life at the moment. I have good days and bad days. I write about them all.

What I would like to say, is that every day with my Tara has been a special day. Some days are full of happy thoughts, others I shudder to revisit. But the fact remains that Tara has graced my life and enriched my existence on this planet simply by being here with me, in good times and in bad. For that gift I am eternally grateful.

Back to mundane issues. This half term has been terrible. My PMS made me unbearable, the Husband was distracted and unable to relax, the weather kept us indoors etc. etc. When one looks for a reason to complain about why something isn't right, one can keep finding reasons unfolding. Realization dawned on me, a bit late when the week has almost past, but I've stopped fighting the situation. The Husband has gone out with a few friends to watch the latest James Bond film, while I put Tara to bed patiently and had a healthy introspection session afterwards.

Inspite of it all Tara had a reasonable time. She is still innocent, and finds joy in little things.

Today I have taken steps to address my PMS symptoms, having ordered some natural supplements and herbal teas. I will soon revive my Reiki practice and regain control of my body and mind. I'm not there yet. What is "there"? It is a place of positive action I need to get to, where I will take a stand against negativity, against binge eating, against my out of control rage. At this point of time I am close to that place but not quite there. It is perhaps part of a greater plan that I suffer these ills for a while - maybe it serves a purpose. The core of me is a place of love and peace. I will get's almost time.