Wednesday, 30 May 2012

It's a new day..

Yesterday, I cried...a lot. The reason is trivial for most but for me it is more than trivial. I am frightened of dentists. It's one of those things that defies logic but just is.

The fear and terror that grips my heart as soon as the word 'dentist' is uttered is beyond anything I have felt. I've had this all my life. The strange thing is that I've always had check ups, and always walk away with a good report, except for the occasional clean, which by the way is a borderline heart attack event for me. No work has been done in my mouth...ever. The dentist always compliments my teeth when I get up to go.

We had a family check up last Saturday. All was fine. I pulled myself together more so because Tara was in for a check up too, and the last thing I wanted was to pass on my phobia to her. It all went well and I survived the chair and the check up.

Yesterday I got a call back from the dentists office that the X-ray had picked up what was probably a small cavity and needed me to come in to sort it out. As I write this tears are welling up in my eyes again at the prospect of undergoing a procedure for the first time in my life. The Husband who has had a lot of work done over the years, says it's no big deal and I will be fine. He probably doesn't know what I'm going through at this moment. To experience this level of terror is not normal. I have to drive Tara to school, get some shopping done and a whole lot of everyday stuff, but all I can feel is this strange old chill down my spine, like I'm being taken to the gallows...or something like that.

I don't have pain, I'm okay, so why a procedure? I can't see anything when I open my mouth. Can't I deal with the whole thing when it is symptomatic? Why rock a a boat that's sailing alright? So many questions? I have made an appointment for a consultation but I will be getting a second opinion. At some level I will find the courage and means to overcome the procedure but if I have a gut feeling not to mess with my teeth which are perfectly fine...I won't

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