Saturday, 21 March 2015

Off on holiday!!

We are off on our Disney holiday...

Im nervous travelling with Tara, but not displaying any emotion. I think Tara is now so psychologically affected with her vomiting and travel sickness (like me) that she feels ill as soon as she gets in the car.

Fingers crossed this trip will go better than the last.

I had a hairdresser come home and trim and re-shape my hair. She was very sympathetic...and horrified when I showed her old pictures of my scalp and the trauma I suffered. She did exactly what I wanted and I now have tidy hair :-) Watch out Prince I come !! (Not The Husband...I mean the real Prince Charming)

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the Warrior-Ladies out there. What we do is often unacknowledged and unaccounted for,  but most of us do it with enormous pride and love.

The Husband is booked on a weekend out of town (Yes..I know..don't get me started on that), so it's business as usual this Sunday morning. Tara woke up and came into my room armed with hand made objects of art. There was a bit of desperation about her as she presented me with her favourite raggedy pink satin ribbon and blue stick on jewel. She looked around her room and looked for anything else that would make me a good present. I stopped her, gave her a big hug and said I was very happy with her presents and didn't need more than a lovely hug and a kiss.

I got a few hugs and kisses then she went to her money box, emptied out a handful of coins and asked me to spend it! I politely declined saying she was very generous but I couldn't accept them as she was my little girl and I was happy just spending the day with her. Still not satisfied, she sat on the edge of her bed-thoughtful. She said, she would eat just bread this morning-not toasted, and dinner also should not be cooked by me, as it was Mother's Day and I shouldn't have to cook.

In all her little gestures, I understood that SHE understood and was aware of everything I do for her. What better gift could I ask for? That understanding and thoughtfulness.

There was a call from The Husband for Tara that had her rummaging somewhere in her room. She emerged triumphant with a box of chocolates for me, and a chocolate cake, (a day past its best by date) for us to share. She relaxed visibly, and I gushed about how I appreciated all this but my favourite was still the card and art she made herself.

Tara gave me a warm hug and we went down for breakfast together. Perfect.

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Hell on wheels

I hate sitting in the car when The Husband drives. We are two people with two different driving styles.

I am completely defensive. I let crazy people overtake me, I slow down at amber, and I press the brakes gently with adequate distance between the vehicle in front of me. The Husband gets into a hissy-fit if a crazy driver cuts in, he feels that amber means hurry-the-hell-up-and-get-through, and he hits the brake when he can probably see the grey hair of the passenger in the rear seat of the vehicle ahead.

Yesterday as I got in the car with Tara and him, I tried my best to relax. I turned on the radio, pulled the sun visor down (to see as little as possible) and tried to day dream looking out of my side of the window. I was nervous. A few minutes later as we curved around a roundabout at good speed, I suddenly saw my gazing eyes blur as the traffic lights gleamed bright red. I saw speeding cars get closer towards me. I let out a blood curdling yell, "STOP!!" The Husband hit the brakes, and nodded condescendingly at me when I screamed that the light was red. That was it. My mood fell at a steep angle..

It was a bad evening after that. I noticed the mess in the house, I could barely rustle up dinner for Tara and I had no tolerance of Tara's rolling eyes when I helped her with her school work. Finally I exploded into smithereens, dragged myself to my room - without any dinner got into bed and went to sleep at 9:00 pm - fully dressed in my jeans and jumper. It was the safest thing to do for all concerned.

Like the rest of our personalities our driving is as different as chalk and cheese. The one common factor we have is Tara. She has been created by taking the best bits out of two different people and making a near perfect child. Everyday she sets an example of how I think I should behave...except the odd days when she is coming down with a bug and behaves not-so-perfect :-)

I woke up today, quiet. I completed the daily routine and prayed like hell as The Husband took Tara to school.

Thursday, 5 March 2015

The Turnaround

The doctors all suggested wait and watch for my hair situation. I don't do wait-and-watch well. I made myself a cup of tea and started thinking about what I should do. I started with the usual routine of vacuuming the entire house. There were strands of hair that fell every single day. Like fairy dust at every step I took...only not as pretty, or magical.

The postman dropped off a few bills and brochures. One was a voucher from the same salon where it all began. I picked up a paper and pen, turned the letter over, and wrote back requesting not to send me any further vouchers, and briefly explained why. I put a stamp on the envelope, walked to the post box and posted it . Walking back I felt a strange sense of purpose sweep over me. I picked up the phone and made enquiries about the exotic sounding hair oils that were suggested to me. They weren't available anywhere near here. I called up internationally to see if someone could post them to me, without success.

I didn't give up and one day had a parcel delivered to me . My sister had succeeded in finding me these elusive oils. I opened up the parcel and held the various potions and bottles hopefully. I looked up in the mirror and saw my hair nervously. I couldn't touch my hair unless I had to. The slightest touch saw strands fall away.

I turned away from the mirror, took a deep breath and poured the mixture of oils in my palms, and slowly started running my fingertips through my hair. Gradually as the realisation set in that I had nothing to lose, I applied it more generously. The sensation of the big bald patch under my fingertips was very traumatic. Yet I continued. I left the oil in my hair over night and washed it the next day with the mildest baby oil I could lay my hands on. It was no different to any other time. Hair fell...a lot.

By this time I was waiting for all of it to fall out so it didn't take long to establish this new routine of oil on followed by a hair wash. I did this non stop for two months. 

It was Christmas 2014. I had a lot to do so I had a quick shampoo and was suddenly tempted to take a peek at my head. It was a miracle. The bald patch had sprouted some hair! The hair had suddenly decided not to fall out much either..What happened? It takes at least a year for hair to re-grow if it was Alopecia. It didn't matter anymore. 

It is now March. The hairfall has stopped completely, the bald patch is invisible and I have my hair back. It clearly lacks the volume I had a few years ago, but my God its enough for me..

One thing I have to mention is a curious bumpy itch I have on my scalp for over a year now. It comes and goes, and the doctors have no clear idea what that is about. I have been observing its pattern and have come to the conclusion that it is something to do with sugar intake. Sounds weird I know..but last month when I had my monthly period and was wolfing down sweets and chocolates like a maniac, I noted a significant increase in my itchy scalp bumps. After the madness of sugar craving ended suddenly with my period, I was averse to sweets for a few weeks. During that time I don't remember an itchy scalp. Something to look into..

So Tara..Mummy is getting back on her feet again. The shouts didn't arrive for two months and we are all feeling better for it. The connection between the shouts and my health? Perhaps..but inexcusable. This no-shout new Year resolution is going well..nevermind about the other two-exercising and eating fruit.

Sunday, 1 March 2015

When you hit rock bottom..

October 2014.

I keep my pain to myself usually. The weather was decidedly cooler so my winter hat came to my aid, earlier than schedule. In addition to providing protection from the cold breeze, it gave me a a bit of comfort and cover during the school run.

As my hair continued to fall, I started to research wigs, hair transplants and miracle drugs. I wanted to be prepared for the worst. As my wounds closed up the purple bruises slowly started getting lighter and a few more scars were added to my already generous collection accumulated as a result of a particularly active childhood. Tara was always very interested in the story behind each scar. The crescent shaped one was gained walking my dog on a particularly stormy a construction site. Yes..say no more. The long one was prized. It was earned during a hard fought tournament final that I eventually won.

The pain in my jaw/tooth was unchanged, but was not an issue in day to day activities. It just hurt when I ate from that side. So I just ate from the other side. I turned my focus to my scalp once all the panic and confusion turned to acceptance. It was after all only hair. Ego? Pride? Is that it? I was so grateful that everything I had was manageable and not something worse.

I made an appointment with my GP. He examined me and said it was difficult to say what had happened as it was now October and almost 3 months since the hair fall began. I mentioned the hair salon, and the GP sat there passive. I burst out saying I wasn't going to sue anyone. I just needed an answer so I could carry on. He examined me again and said it was a possibility. We could just wait and watch. If it was Alopecia, (and not the worst kind of Alopecia), I may have the hair re-grow in a year or so. If it was burnt, I would have to wait a few months to see if the follicles were alive or permanently destroyed. If it was stress, it didn't explain the large bald patch that preceded the quick        loss of my hair.

I left the appointment and went home none the wiser. I started tidying up and unpacking some of the bags and cases from the holiday. In one of the side pockets I saw a note from one of the kind old ladies. She had given me the note as I left for the airport. I read it with interest and noted the names of the herbal oils and potions she had written. Only.. you don't get any of them this country.

As I sipped my tea, I thought about it a bit more. Should I just give it a try? Yes I would..I had to wait a year for most things anyway. It couldn't get any worse than it already was. I like being in control, even if I'm unsure which direction I am headed to. What would I have done had it been Tara? The answer hit me in the face right away. I wouldn't rest until I had tried everything that existed on this earth if I could help it. I deserved that too. My feet just hit rock bottom, and I pushed myself up towards the surface again.