Friday, 4 May 2012

It's been three days since I've written and I do not enjoy the feeling. My blog space is my friend...a friendly friend, a non judgemental friend, a friend who does an amazing job of keeping giving me clarity and  perspective.

For three days, things in my life went awry.
1. The Husband who is never sick, fell sick.
2. Tara developed constipation and was a troubled child.
3. In my distracted worried state, I accidentally deleted my entire life's work from my computer - permanently.

Three days ago I would have rated the above events differently in order of trauma to self. I am surprised at how I reacted to the events of the past few days, and how quickly I proceeded from shock and horror to  realization, that as long as I have love, health and determination with me, nothing is as bad as it seems. I also noticed how much I agonized over events I had no control over. Shakespeare's words never rang 'truer' - "What's done cannot be undone." He should have also added, "Just get over it" or "Get on it with".

The computer. What can I say? Everything I had ever achieved, my past work, awards, records of achievements, my writing which I had hoped to publish someday, my insurance details, my correspondence records with various people, and some more...all gone. I was in the process of changing my computer, and was transferring data from my computer to an external hard drive. Things happened. All gone. I stressed, cried, tried every possible mode of recovery, then heard The Husband wheeze and collapse.

I checked him and he had a fever and was coughing and holding his head. He was due to drive back to work in a few hours but couldn't make the four and a half hour commute in this state. Knowing The Husband, he doesn't fall ill often, having taken only a day or two sick days in the last few years. I have never seen him so wobbly and ill. I had barely sorted him out when Tara's loud screams from the bathroom made me sprint to her.

She was inching away from the toilet, recoiling away from it, refusing to sit for a poop overdue by two days. That is a whole different story that ended with me playing midwife to my screaming daughter's giant, hard, never-seen-anything-like-it poop.

That was three days ago. This morning, the Husband is back at work, Tara is normal and getting ready for school with a smile, my data is lost forever. I can't do a thing about it, so I rationalized the issue, looking for some straw to clutch. I'm not back at work yet. Could this be a sign for me to re-think my work life? Does this give me an opportunity to re-train in something I really want to do, without the baggage of past achievements in a field I excelled at, but did not enjoy?

It will take me a while to really get over my data loss. I remember telling The Husband, my eyes full of tears, "I feel like a part of me does not exist anymore." That moment was very, very difficult. Then my little family had it's health crisis, and made me realize that I was still 'Mum' who has 'stuff' to do I will.

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