Thursday, 19 November 2015

Car Insurance...again

I'm alone when I write my blog. I know nobody reads it. So it's strange when I get comments from "electronic voices" out there. I call automated type messages - "Electronic voices". Its probably a computer picking up key words and sending automated responses.

I had three response notifications in my email today. When I looked at them they seemed to be dated from months before, but only came in my inbox today. The lady that I am, I attempted to thank them for their comments, but it wouldn't go through...spooky...

I have come some way in dealing with insurance it Car or Home or any other. I made a sheet of sorts containing blank fields pre-filled with information that was permanent...such as Make and model of car, date purchased, number of years at address etc. It made things very simple.

Then I used 2 search engines to enter the information. I chose the top two reputed companies on the list, went to they websites and got direct quotes from them as well. It didn't take very long and I renewed quite easily.

Two things Ive learnt. First I no longer go with the cheapest company. One year, I had a query with my 'online-only' company and didn't get to speak to any human at all. In the end even my query wasn't answered satisfactorily. I ultimately had an email with printed jargon that wasn't good enough. So now I go for reasonably priced companies which have people I can speak to.

By the way, this year some tax has gone up, and all quotes I received were dearer than last year..made me very annoyed. In the end I stuck with the renewal quote from my existing insurer.

Finally, I still haven't managed to figure out how to fill air in the car tyres. Prince Charming who I married 16 years ago still hasn't taught me either. Im not happy with myself, but hey...Im still a Spectacular Mummy to minor lapses are forgiven. :-)

I love you Tara..8 years old, and a pleasure to raise. Every Mum should have one of you to know how easy it can be to raise a child...almost as easy as renewing insurance ;-)

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Scott Dinsmore

A few hours ago, I had never heard of Scott Dinsmore. I came across him while reading someone else's blog. With the power of the internet, in a matter of minutes, I knew Scott, his wife, his parents and saw happy pictures of a man who seemed to deeply inhale his life...not just live it.

Scott, rest in peace you happy soul. I didn't know you, but in a matter of hours, can feel your presence and your grace. You lived your life beautifully for 33 years. Thank you for inspiring me. I'm still lost,  but I promise I won't stop trying...

Saturday, 21 March 2015

Off on holiday!!

We are off on our Disney holiday...

Im nervous travelling with Tara, but not displaying any emotion. I think Tara is now so psychologically affected with her vomiting and travel sickness (like me) that she feels ill as soon as she gets in the car.

Fingers crossed this trip will go better than the last.

I had a hairdresser come home and trim and re-shape my hair. She was very sympathetic...and horrified when I showed her old pictures of my scalp and the trauma I suffered. She did exactly what I wanted and I now have tidy hair :-) Watch out Prince I come !! (Not The Husband...I mean the real Prince Charming)

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the Warrior-Ladies out there. What we do is often unacknowledged and unaccounted for,  but most of us do it with enormous pride and love.

The Husband is booked on a weekend out of town (Yes..I know..don't get me started on that), so it's business as usual this Sunday morning. Tara woke up and came into my room armed with hand made objects of art. There was a bit of desperation about her as she presented me with her favourite raggedy pink satin ribbon and blue stick on jewel. She looked around her room and looked for anything else that would make me a good present. I stopped her, gave her a big hug and said I was very happy with her presents and didn't need more than a lovely hug and a kiss.

I got a few hugs and kisses then she went to her money box, emptied out a handful of coins and asked me to spend it! I politely declined saying she was very generous but I couldn't accept them as she was my little girl and I was happy just spending the day with her. Still not satisfied, she sat on the edge of her bed-thoughtful. She said, she would eat just bread this morning-not toasted, and dinner also should not be cooked by me, as it was Mother's Day and I shouldn't have to cook.

In all her little gestures, I understood that SHE understood and was aware of everything I do for her. What better gift could I ask for? That understanding and thoughtfulness.

There was a call from The Husband for Tara that had her rummaging somewhere in her room. She emerged triumphant with a box of chocolates for me, and a chocolate cake, (a day past its best by date) for us to share. She relaxed visibly, and I gushed about how I appreciated all this but my favourite was still the card and art she made herself.

Tara gave me a warm hug and we went down for breakfast together. Perfect.

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Hell on wheels

I hate sitting in the car when The Husband drives. We are two people with two different driving styles.

I am completely defensive. I let crazy people overtake me, I slow down at amber, and I press the brakes gently with adequate distance between the vehicle in front of me. The Husband gets into a hissy-fit if a crazy driver cuts in, he feels that amber means hurry-the-hell-up-and-get-through, and he hits the brake when he can probably see the grey hair of the passenger in the rear seat of the vehicle ahead.

Yesterday as I got in the car with Tara and him, I tried my best to relax. I turned on the radio, pulled the sun visor down (to see as little as possible) and tried to day dream looking out of my side of the window. I was nervous. A few minutes later as we curved around a roundabout at good speed, I suddenly saw my gazing eyes blur as the traffic lights gleamed bright red. I saw speeding cars get closer towards me. I let out a blood curdling yell, "STOP!!" The Husband hit the brakes, and nodded condescendingly at me when I screamed that the light was red. That was it. My mood fell at a steep angle..

It was a bad evening after that. I noticed the mess in the house, I could barely rustle up dinner for Tara and I had no tolerance of Tara's rolling eyes when I helped her with her school work. Finally I exploded into smithereens, dragged myself to my room - without any dinner got into bed and went to sleep at 9:00 pm - fully dressed in my jeans and jumper. It was the safest thing to do for all concerned.

Like the rest of our personalities our driving is as different as chalk and cheese. The one common factor we have is Tara. She has been created by taking the best bits out of two different people and making a near perfect child. Everyday she sets an example of how I think I should behave...except the odd days when she is coming down with a bug and behaves not-so-perfect :-)

I woke up today, quiet. I completed the daily routine and prayed like hell as The Husband took Tara to school.

Thursday, 5 March 2015

The Turnaround

The doctors all suggested wait and watch for my hair situation. I don't do wait-and-watch well. I made myself a cup of tea and started thinking about what I should do. I started with the usual routine of vacuuming the entire house. There were strands of hair that fell every single day. Like fairy dust at every step I took...only not as pretty, or magical.

The postman dropped off a few bills and brochures. One was a voucher from the same salon where it all began. I picked up a paper and pen, turned the letter over, and wrote back requesting not to send me any further vouchers, and briefly explained why. I put a stamp on the envelope, walked to the post box and posted it . Walking back I felt a strange sense of purpose sweep over me. I picked up the phone and made enquiries about the exotic sounding hair oils that were suggested to me. They weren't available anywhere near here. I called up internationally to see if someone could post them to me, without success.

I didn't give up and one day had a parcel delivered to me . My sister had succeeded in finding me these elusive oils. I opened up the parcel and held the various potions and bottles hopefully. I looked up in the mirror and saw my hair nervously. I couldn't touch my hair unless I had to. The slightest touch saw strands fall away.

I turned away from the mirror, took a deep breath and poured the mixture of oils in my palms, and slowly started running my fingertips through my hair. Gradually as the realisation set in that I had nothing to lose, I applied it more generously. The sensation of the big bald patch under my fingertips was very traumatic. Yet I continued. I left the oil in my hair over night and washed it the next day with the mildest baby oil I could lay my hands on. It was no different to any other time. Hair fell...a lot.

By this time I was waiting for all of it to fall out so it didn't take long to establish this new routine of oil on followed by a hair wash. I did this non stop for two months. 

It was Christmas 2014. I had a lot to do so I had a quick shampoo and was suddenly tempted to take a peek at my head. It was a miracle. The bald patch had sprouted some hair! The hair had suddenly decided not to fall out much either..What happened? It takes at least a year for hair to re-grow if it was Alopecia. It didn't matter anymore. 

It is now March. The hairfall has stopped completely, the bald patch is invisible and I have my hair back. It clearly lacks the volume I had a few years ago, but my God its enough for me..

One thing I have to mention is a curious bumpy itch I have on my scalp for over a year now. It comes and goes, and the doctors have no clear idea what that is about. I have been observing its pattern and have come to the conclusion that it is something to do with sugar intake. Sounds weird I know..but last month when I had my monthly period and was wolfing down sweets and chocolates like a maniac, I noted a significant increase in my itchy scalp bumps. After the madness of sugar craving ended suddenly with my period, I was averse to sweets for a few weeks. During that time I don't remember an itchy scalp. Something to look into..

So Tara..Mummy is getting back on her feet again. The shouts didn't arrive for two months and we are all feeling better for it. The connection between the shouts and my health? Perhaps..but inexcusable. This no-shout new Year resolution is going well..nevermind about the other two-exercising and eating fruit.

Sunday, 1 March 2015

When you hit rock bottom..

October 2014.

I keep my pain to myself usually. The weather was decidedly cooler so my winter hat came to my aid, earlier than schedule. In addition to providing protection from the cold breeze, it gave me a a bit of comfort and cover during the school run.

As my hair continued to fall, I started to research wigs, hair transplants and miracle drugs. I wanted to be prepared for the worst. As my wounds closed up the purple bruises slowly started getting lighter and a few more scars were added to my already generous collection accumulated as a result of a particularly active childhood. Tara was always very interested in the story behind each scar. The crescent shaped one was gained walking my dog on a particularly stormy a construction site. Yes..say no more. The long one was prized. It was earned during a hard fought tournament final that I eventually won.

The pain in my jaw/tooth was unchanged, but was not an issue in day to day activities. It just hurt when I ate from that side. So I just ate from the other side. I turned my focus to my scalp once all the panic and confusion turned to acceptance. It was after all only hair. Ego? Pride? Is that it? I was so grateful that everything I had was manageable and not something worse.

I made an appointment with my GP. He examined me and said it was difficult to say what had happened as it was now October and almost 3 months since the hair fall began. I mentioned the hair salon, and the GP sat there passive. I burst out saying I wasn't going to sue anyone. I just needed an answer so I could carry on. He examined me again and said it was a possibility. We could just wait and watch. If it was Alopecia, (and not the worst kind of Alopecia), I may have the hair re-grow in a year or so. If it was burnt, I would have to wait a few months to see if the follicles were alive or permanently destroyed. If it was stress, it didn't explain the large bald patch that preceded the quick        loss of my hair.

I left the appointment and went home none the wiser. I started tidying up and unpacking some of the bags and cases from the holiday. In one of the side pockets I saw a note from one of the kind old ladies. She had given me the note as I left for the airport. I read it with interest and noted the names of the herbal oils and potions she had written. Only.. you don't get any of them this country.

As I sipped my tea, I thought about it a bit more. Should I just give it a try? Yes I would..I had to wait a year for most things anyway. It couldn't get any worse than it already was. I like being in control, even if I'm unsure which direction I am headed to. What would I have done had it been Tara? The answer hit me in the face right away. I wouldn't rest until I had tried everything that existed on this earth if I could help it. I deserved that too. My feet just hit rock bottom, and I pushed myself up towards the surface again.

Saturday, 28 February 2015

Hair today, gone tomorrow

9th of July, a day before I flew on a long summer holiday, I went to a salon. Now Im not normally a salon person. I have basic, fuss free hair that I keep clean and that's about it. On this fateful day I was in possession of a voucher that gave me a "relaxing" shampoo-blow dry for free at my local salon.

Why not I thought. I was packed and ready to fly the next day and a bit of pampering sounded like a good idea. I had no idea what to expect as I hadn't been to a salon in years..After the appointment was done I came home, sorted out the rest of the work, and went to sleep.

The next morning when I woke up, I noticed some black powdery substance on my pillow and full length strands of hair, (from the roots) strewn about. I had to get to the airport so distractedly got on with things. The next day when I reached my destination and settled into a warm oil scalp massage, I was told I had a bald patch on my scalp. I couldn't believe it. The next few minutes were like a bad horror film. Long bunches of hair fell about me, from the roots, as if they were not attached to my head. I could do nothing but watch this phenomenon continue for the next few weeks, till half the hair on my head fell off and I was left with a bald patch at the top of my head and scalp that could be seen through my remaining hair.

It continued to fall even after I returned back home.

I had been to a doctor abroad and a few sympathetic older ladies gave me some ideas as to what could be done. Neither actually knew what was wrong. Opinions ranged from Stress, alopecia, and a possible first degree scalp burn. The last one seemed most likely as I had been to the salon just before flying.

Now the full extent of my feelings on my scalp were not fully expressed as I had other issues erupt simultaneously. Maybe these helped me cope with the hair fall better than I would have. Hidden blessing in disguise?

A few days after the bald spot appeared I had a massive accident that saw me almost break my elbow and fingers, along with deep injuries to my knee, shoulder and arms, accompanied by extremely large black and blue bruises. The pain was excruciating and I went to a hospital for injections and cleaning. The pain of these injuries lasted for the next few months.

Soon after Tara contracted a bug so wouldn't stop her vomiting and had diarrhoea for days. She wouldn't eat anything or hold down water for long. I took her to the doctor and had to look after her day and night with my horrific injuries.

In between all this I had a visit to the dentist for a mysterious pain I had in my  jaw/tooth area. I had this pain even while I was at home for almost a year. My dentist here took X-rays and found nothing. So I had an appointment with a top dental specialist abroad for a second opinion. His X-rays found nothing either. He sent to me a general practitioner who suspected something more sinister and recommended I go inside an MRI machine! A possible nerve disorder? My bruised body shuddered..Some of my open wounds unfortunately got infected. Back to the hospital. A few more injections.

My brain was in the strangest state. I couldn't find one part of my body that didn't feel pain at the moment. Even my scalp had joined the part and I was getting extreme headaches and unbelievable itching now, as hair fell and fell and fell...I was astonished that I still had some hair to how after masses had fallen. How was that possible??

The bald patch was soon forgotten...for now. It had to wait its turn in my long list of worry inducing situations.

Oddly I didn't cry. I think what I was dealing with was beyond crying and my body was in survival mode. I had to look after Tara first and the luxury of crying over myself was not an option. She had lost all the little weight she had and looked terrifying. Luckily she was rid of the bug. I couldn't wait to fly back home. I did and zombie like tried to pull myself together.

The next few days I focused every ounce of my body getting Tara back on track. She did and went to school when it opened.

I got in the shower, hands trembling as I tried to gently wash my hair. I heard a loud wail in the cubicle. It emerged eerily as hair fell away..just like that. Stop! Stop! I shouted alone and crumpled into a heap in the shower as the healing skin stretched and tore on my arms and knees. I cried as water ran over me. I felt broken in every way.

As I stood up wobbling with the pain. I barely dabbed myself with a towel and dressed myself up.

September was drawing to a close..Now what?

Wednesday, 25 February 2015


July 9th 2014 started a series of health issues that left my mind and body in a whirl. I carried these issues with me and attempted to be "Mum" to Tara to the best of my abilities. I was okay most of the time, and let my "issues" make me be less than a satisfactory Mum on other days.

The odd thing is that while these issues (some now improved) trudge alongside me every day, I haven't had a major shout for almost a month now. I wonder why...I'm happy about it, but would love to know why so I can do whatever it takes to have the no-shout spell continue. The one thing that probably helped is mindfulness. I had been reading about being aware of oneself in any given moment. Could that be it? 

Wednesday, 18 February 2015

Misplaced anger

After a bit of introspection, I figure that anger that sometimes erupts on Tara is misplaced anger. It stems from some other annoyance or frustration that has been simmering within, and manifests itself at the slightest provocation from a small child.

That makes me my eyes :-(

Tara is seven years old. She holds a licence for saying or doing silly things sometimes. I am the adult who needs to let things slide, teach or take the higher ground.There are times when Tara needs the sharp side of my tongue purely for safety reasons. Like running across a road suddenly or wandering off in crowded places. But on other occasions, often due to unresolved issues with The Husband, the hail of words falls on Tara.

At seven years old, Tara has learnt how to needle me sometimes, almost as if she's looking for trouble. She may pick the wrong day or time, as the back story of my life ambles alongside my life as Mum. Still, its down to me how to handle it not her.

There..theory done, now to try to put in practice what I know....again.

Thursday, 12 February 2015

Bird Poo is not lucky

After careful scientific study, and a scratch card and lottery ticket purchase later I have concluded that bird poo - on or off you - means nothing. A dirty coat perhaps..but nothing more.

Tara has a slightly different take on the matter. She feels that my research is flawed as I had wiped off the poo in the car BEFORE purchasing the tottery ticket. Had I not wiped it off, we could have been sipping drinks on a sunny island somewhere.

Life and lost opportunities...never mind.

Wednesday, 11 February 2015

Lucky Poo?

As I walked back to my car with some other Mums dropping Tara at school, I had an encounter with a "dropping" of another kind.

It came from above, missed three other Mums and landed  - splat - all over my coat. I stopped in shock. I have never had a bird poo on me before, and my word.. this bird had eaten well the evening before. The sleeve, the front and the scarf were plastered in yellow-green streaks. We all laughed about it. I thought I could laugh along only because it fell on my coat. Im not sure how I would feel had it fallen on my head...

As I reached my car, one lady said, it was good luck to have bird-poo fall on you. Really? I didn't feel lucky as I reached for a third tissue to mop off the offending stuff from my coat. Driving home I decided to test the theory today, and bought a lottery ticket for tonight...and two scratch cards.

Both scratch cards came up with nothing. Hmmmph! Im not exactly holding my breath for tonight either, so bird sanctuaries needn't get their hopes up yet.

Monday, 2 February 2015

Update - Success for the disillusioned Mum

I waited outside the GP's office with Tara. It's been a long three weeks of using a most unpleasant device. I'm a bit on edge, hopeful, cautious and a whole lot of other things. Most of all I'm a Mum who just wants her long suffering child to have a bit of relief.

For that relief I promise all the unseen forces my gratitude, the GP-my forgiveness and The Husband-not a single smug I-told-you-so. I am well rewarded. After a careful examination I hear the GP say the words,"The left one is normal and the right has most of the fluid gone... Just very little, the level we consider normal."

I felt so good....

I used Otovent for Tara's glue ear. I researched, I collected information, I spoke to the Head Office in Sweden, I watched numerous videos, I convinced Tara to give it a try and made it an entertaining game etc. etc. Three times a day without a complaint my little girl blew a latex balloon with her nose. All that discomfort was worth it.

I am happy and grateful. There is usually a way when people say there isn't. Maybe it's not a known way, but it's there somewhere, just waiting to be discovered. All it needs sometimes is a Mum with a bee in her bonnet.

I love you Tara..

Monday, 26 January 2015

I came third :-(

Tara came joint-third in a speech contest today...and she's disappointed. Before, and after her performance I told her how proud I was of her, and I loved her. I clapped loudly as she took the third prize, smiling sadly.

There were 10 children speaking their hearts out today, 6 of them went home with nothing.

As a parent is my job to tell Tara how well she did and not to be disappointed? Or is it to tell her she did well, but would need to work harder if she wanted to get a higher place and not be disappointed.There is no doubt that not much practice went into this speech contest. Luck and hard work both play a part in the final outcome.

In the end all I did was hug Tara, and say three things:

I love watching you perform
I hope you enjoyed what you did
I love you

The Husband and I had a lot of cuddles for her, and told her how she made us feel enormously proud going up in front of so many people and speaking so beautifully. As evening came, Tara relaxed and went with us saying she actually did feel proud of herself, and all she wanted was for Mummy and Papa to be proud of her.

A round of chocolate eclairs sealed the evening and we all went to bed happy. 

Wednesday, 21 January 2015


I hide my "issues" well...I think... I give a pretty good impression to the outside world of a calm, collected in-control person.

The reality however is that I am extremely on-edge,  sensitive and would always choose a boring, peaceful life devoid of any excitement over an eventful life. I wasn't always like this. In fact I was the opposite of this a few years ago. I am probably aware of all the reasons for this change, but am not currently interested in the "whys" of it all.

As a Mum there are new issues and challenges that crop up every single day. I will say I manage,  because Tara is paramount in my life. But I won't deny watching endless travel programmes showing a remote monastery or mountain top beckoning to me on many occasions. I obviously don't have the time or resources to chase the whiff off the pristine temple flower....but a girl can dream...

Tuesday, 20 January 2015

Hope for the disillusioned Mum-Part 2

Hunting for alternative therapies to drain the "glue" from Tara's middle ear, I came across a device called "Otovent".

This device has been around for many years, and is also available on the NHS on prescription. It is available in pharmacies - over the counter for around £7.

Not once has it been mentioned by our GP.

Otovent involves blowing a special latex balloon via a nostril. This causes air to enter the middle ear cavity, which is meant to displace the fluid by pushing it out of the eustachian tube. In many cases the ear is completely drained of glue and replaced with air-as a normal ear should be.

An average of 60% success sounded good enough for me to try, as it is said to be 100% safe. After weeks of research I bought the device, and Tara has been using it like a good little girl morning, noon and night. I have booked an appointment with our GP to examine her ears in a week or so, to see if the fluid he noticed in December has gone or dramatically reduced.

I hope it works. I am also bracing myself for the possibility that my little girl may fall in the 40% category. I haven't yet explored the "what then" scenario because I am very focussed on the task in hand.

Initially I was furious as to why the Otovent wasn't even mentioned to me by our GP.  Now I am channeling my energies in achieving a positive result instead. At the end of it all, if my Tara's ear problem is resolved, all is forgiven.

Sunday, 18 January 2015

Just for today

I wake up each morning to a practiced routine. One part of the morning is the welcome cup of tea while catching up with the news of the day.

Lately, this routine has moved from the relaxing catching up of minor concerns to words I've come to strongly dislike.."Breaking News".

Just for today, I am grateful for no "Breaking News". I can deal with an escaped bird causing trouble, or a broken down tractor causing traffic tailbacks, but just for today thank you for no "Breaking News."

Thursday, 15 January 2015

Hope for the disillusioned Mum-Part 1

Finally...a small ray of hope. It's still a hope because efficacy will be revealed after the GP check up in a few weeks time. I am cautiously optimistic, and will be unabashedly grateful if this works for Tara.

Since she was about two or three Tara has suffered ear problems. I have been up and down to the doctor for years now, with no clear understanding or explanations given. All I get from the doctor is

a) A smile and a shrug
b) Wait and watch
c) Nothing can be done, she will probably grow out of it.

Now I have nothing against the above three responses, as long as they accompany some sound explanation. In the absence of any explanation by the experts in the field of medicine, it makes a Mum feel disempowered and angry.

After many interactions with doctors, some of whom were benign, others sharp and abrupt, I turned to the wonderful internet for some self education. After getting past the initial frightening worst case scenario reading on the topic, (A given when you get on the internet to look up anything), I settled into a more common sense balanced approach, and understood that Tara had something called Otitis Media with effusion, commonly called glue ear.

Basically the ear has three parts. The Outer ear, The Middle ear and the inner ear. Glue ear is caused in the middle ear area where the ear drum resides. In a normal human, the space behind the ear drum is filled with air. But for some people, (usually children under 7), that space gets filled with a glue like thick liquid. This causes the ear drum to not vibrate freely thus causing hearing problems, motion sickness, and other issues.

The usual exit for any trapped fluid in the middle ear is via the Eustachian tube. In adults it is more vertical so fluid naturally exits the space. In children below 7, the tube is not so vertical causing fluid to remain trapped, increasing the possibility of infecting this fluid and causing more serious infections. There is also sometimes blocking or narrowing of the Eustachian tube enhancing the possibility of glue being trapped and possibly infected.

Simply put, the solution to this problem lies in getting the glue out and air back in.

The current approach used by doctors is to wait and watch. If the child is lucky, the fluid gets absorbed by the body in around 3 months. In some other children it can take up to a year! In some unfortunate souls it doesn't disappear even after a year. Now this is assuming the child is fit and healthy and doesn't suffer back to back colds or illnesses, (like Tara). This reduces  the possibility of the fluid ever draining away completely.

Grommits. I hate the word. It conjures up evil images in my head. These are inserted via an operation into the child's ear drum as a sort of a dangly pipe to drain fluid out of the ear. Their effectiveness is debated and there is the likelihood of permanent hearing loss at the worst, should the ear drum scar while healing. Not a route I want to go down, nor has my GP recommended it yet.

I have "waited and watched" Tara suffer for years now. Some days we rush to A &E because she wakes up screaming..extremely ill with ear ache, vomiting, fever and "sounds of the ocean" in her ear. We are stressed while travelling since she always vomits in a car, train or plane. I regularly ride in the rear seat with Tara clutching bin bags to catch her vomit. Life with glue ear is horrible, mainly for the poor child and also for the helpless parents. be continued...

Friday, 9 January 2015

Tottering, but on course

I try not to make resolutions, but when I do, it is usually a resolve of steel.

1. Eat fruit.
2. Go to the gym at least twice a week, starting the 12th of January.
3. Start de-addiction from sugar.

I have succeeded in eating portions of grapes, bananas and pears every day :-)
I have been to the gym once, even though I am due to begin next week.
I have gone cold turkey with sugar, except the smidge of stevia-brown sugar I'm used to in my tea anyway.

There are many other things I need to sort out but haven't resolved to doing. First,  I have to be kind to myself. I will not over burden myself with harsh resolutions that would sit uncomfortably with my personality. I have to slow down, I have to try not to get stressed with packing school lunch and doing  the school run, I should not panic if my check list is not ticked off, I will not berate myself if one or two meals are not made from scratch.

Today I'm grappling with the checklist issue. I have achieved a lot on it but as usual find myself focusing on those other things I haven't done. I know it is impossible to check off a list of repetitive chores, but I just need to "get" it.

Monday, 5 January 2015

Uphill Task

The last two weeks went by swaddled in the love and comfort of the company of loved ones and friends. There were plans, reflections and resolutions...the warm after glow of the festive period.

Today we are back home, The Husband, Tara and I. Resolutions already at breaking point, the spirit of the season  -evaporated and real life with all its frustrations and challenges staring me in my face.. Sheesh..Bah !!!

One week of 2015 has already disappeared, with nothing achieved from the list..except perhaps drinking more water. I'm thirsty...and how!

Tomorrow Tara goes back to school. I have mixed feelings about that. The Husband goes back to work on Wednesday. Then it will be me, left to my own devices, (which may not be such a bad thing) to get the house back in order, get the healthy cooking plan rolling, hit the gym and get the bikini body ready for our holiday in March, complete all the holiday loose ends, get a handy-person in to sort out the issues around the house, (it's been a year since we moved here and there's no excuse not to have things sorted out by now) etc. etc.

Its much easier rolling into a ball under the duvet..but Im going to fight that this year. Time for Tara's lunch..

A Happy New Year to all out may never read my words, but the wishes will reach you  :-)