Tuesday, 8 May 2012

It's another first..

Today is Tara's play date with her classmate. For the first time, my Tara is without me at someone else's house. Tara has been on one other play date, but I was there the whole time, making small talk with the other Mum, while the children played.

This time, the other Mum invited Tara over and suggested I leave her and collect her in a couple of hours. I was reluctant because a) I didn't know the lady well enough, other than the occasional chat at the school gates and b) I wasn't sure if Tara could cope being by herself. I was put in a spot, so accepted the invitation, but texted later to say I would come over with Tara to settle her and then leave if she was okay with it.

That sorted, Tara and I went over today after school for the play date. Just as I started explaining to the other Mum how my little girl was shy and I might spend a few minutes settling her in, I noticed that Tara was off like a shot, on the trampoline, laughing and playing with the other children in the house! I stood there gaping and trying to put some words together while the other Mum smiled and said she would be fine. It was obvious who the anxious one was, and it wasn't Tara. It was Tara's Mum. Tara throws me a lot of curve balls. I always prided myself at being collected and in control of most situations, until Tara came into my life. Nothing was predictable anymore.

So I came back after leaving my not-yet-five year old, wondering what I was feeling. I was proud that Tara had the confidence to be without me and have a good time while she was at it. I was a bit nervous if I had done the right thing leaving her. Saying that, the other Mum was friendly and loving to Tara as were the children. Even the Grandmother was around for the day, and I got a good vibe from it all. But deep down, I feel a strange sadness. What is this feeling? I think it has something to do with my child not needing me. I know it's irrational, and every Mummy bird instinctively trains her Baby bird to fly and leave the nest eventually.

I just wasn't ready for 'eventually' to be today. Ten more minutes and I can pick up my Baby bird. Thank God she can't drive yet! :-)

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