Thursday, 21 June 2012

We adapt, we adjust and life goes on.

When I sat here today, on my space - to write, my fingers froze for a while. I always have a million conversations going on in my head. So much to say, so much to write. But today I froze. So I sat and stared at the computer screen, till my eyes lost focus and blurred my vision.

The day was fine, it rained, Tara went to school and came back, all the dinner and bath routines were done, and she went off to sleep nicely. It's been five months since The Husband went off to work in a different place. It was a bit disorienting initially, then human adaptability kicks in and now I find myself getting into a different routine without him. His being here or not isn't a matter of choice. My attitude and outlook is a matter of choice.

We have been together for fifteen years, twelve of which have been in holy matrimony. Would either of us want it any different? A resounding "NO." This situation is temporary....a few months more. Until then we get on with life. The first month or two of living apart, we were lonely, sad and had huge feelings of guilt if we did anything that remotely brought us joy. Now, it's a bit different, we adapt, we accept and we set free.

It still feels incomplete not having The Husband around. But the feelings of guilt when ordering an individual pizza or going out for a walk alone have subsided...but only a little bit. I have practised allowing them to subside...because there is Tara to consider. If I allow myself to go into self imposed denial of all of life's little joys, it would inevitably feed my loneliness and negativity, which then impacts the little one, for whom we are making these sacrifices to begin with.

So we adapt, we adjust and life goes on. 

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