Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Doing alright..aren't I?

What a relief! Everything was fine with Tara's first day back to school. Now life can go on...till the next crisis.

Tara is a creature of routine and habit. Change creates anxiety in her. After leaving her in the school playground, I trotted off the the school office to pick up the new Summer menu. I was interested to see what had changed so much in the lunch menu that caused such a reaction from Tara. Looking at it, I noticed one...just one change. It was macaroni and cheese instead of the cheese and onion pasty.

I was annoyed, relieved, and something else... I can't put a finger on the word. I felt like saying, "Is this what you made such a big deal about?? Is this worth crying over every night"? I'm glad I didn't rain down on Tara immediately. It could be that the lunch was just a trigger point for something else, or maybe Tara being so sensitive takes a while to digest change. I keep saying everyone is different, then why can't I be more compassionate and understanding towards my four year old?

So after school today, I sat down with Tara and showed her the new menu. I explained that it was all the same except for the macaroni and cheese, and she must get used to life's little changes. She seemed to take it all in and put in her tuppence worth too. Let's see how bedtime goes. Something about bedtime unravels my best laid plans when I'm least prepared.

Today I am prepared. While waiting outside Tara's school in my car, rain lashing down, I was at peace and had time to think. First I must control my own emotions be calm, and not get too worked up about the lunch issue. Second I will explain things to Tara calmly and keep explaining till she gets on board. That's a Mum's job. I have been slacking and my 'Mumefficiency' has been weighed down by life's other challenges. I had allowed myself the luxury of a downward spiral, now I'm done and ready.

I just hope the rain keeps falling. It keeps me grounded, happy, creative and calm. If there is one thing I can confidently say about myself is that I am very self aware. I can see with crystal clear vision what my weaknesses and shortcomings are. I have all the good intentions but fail regularly. I want to be the best Mummy I can, but fall short in my own eyes. I guess most Mummies are like me. As long as we keep trying and and never give up, inspite of lapses and failures, we are doing alright..aren't we?

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