Sunday, 1 March 2015

When you hit rock bottom..

October 2014.

I keep my pain to myself usually. The weather was decidedly cooler so my winter hat came to my aid, earlier than schedule. In addition to providing protection from the cold breeze, it gave me a a bit of comfort and cover during the school run.

As my hair continued to fall, I started to research wigs, hair transplants and miracle drugs. I wanted to be prepared for the worst. As my wounds closed up the purple bruises slowly started getting lighter and a few more scars were added to my already generous collection accumulated as a result of a particularly active childhood. Tara was always very interested in the story behind each scar. The crescent shaped one was gained walking my dog on a particularly stormy a construction site. Yes..say no more. The long one was prized. It was earned during a hard fought tournament final that I eventually won.

The pain in my jaw/tooth was unchanged, but was not an issue in day to day activities. It just hurt when I ate from that side. So I just ate from the other side. I turned my focus to my scalp once all the panic and confusion turned to acceptance. It was after all only hair. Ego? Pride? Is that it? I was so grateful that everything I had was manageable and not something worse.

I made an appointment with my GP. He examined me and said it was difficult to say what had happened as it was now October and almost 3 months since the hair fall began. I mentioned the hair salon, and the GP sat there passive. I burst out saying I wasn't going to sue anyone. I just needed an answer so I could carry on. He examined me again and said it was a possibility. We could just wait and watch. If it was Alopecia, (and not the worst kind of Alopecia), I may have the hair re-grow in a year or so. If it was burnt, I would have to wait a few months to see if the follicles were alive or permanently destroyed. If it was stress, it didn't explain the large bald patch that preceded the quick        loss of my hair.

I left the appointment and went home none the wiser. I started tidying up and unpacking some of the bags and cases from the holiday. In one of the side pockets I saw a note from one of the kind old ladies. She had given me the note as I left for the airport. I read it with interest and noted the names of the herbal oils and potions she had written. Only.. you don't get any of them this country.

As I sipped my tea, I thought about it a bit more. Should I just give it a try? Yes I would..I had to wait a year for most things anyway. It couldn't get any worse than it already was. I like being in control, even if I'm unsure which direction I am headed to. What would I have done had it been Tara? The answer hit me in the face right away. I wouldn't rest until I had tried everything that existed on this earth if I could help it. I deserved that too. My feet just hit rock bottom, and I pushed myself up towards the surface again.

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