Each to their own..or is it?

I'd like to believe that we all live and let live. Every human being is a unique person with their own set of preferences and sensibilities. Someone likes orange, another prefers yellow. It doesn't make one colour correct or the other wrong. It is a matter of personal preference. Someone likes a particular movie, another doesn't. Each to their own is the way it should be, but is it?

Magazines, television and other forms of media 'guide' a person on the 'correct' sense of fashion or colour combinations, while popular charts declare a certain musical composition or movie a hit or a flop. Food critics label a particular dish palatable if the sauces combine with the dish in a prescribed fashion. Some drinks are supposed to go with some food. If one doesn't abide by these popular guidelines, one's taste is considered bad. Isn't that strange?

When no individual on this planet is exactly alike, how can one standard apply for all? It's not uncommon to hear loved ones exclaim, "You couldn't possibly have enjoyed that...it's terrible!" This is usually after a statement of fact that one has indeed enjoyed something. Taste is individual. If someone enjoys their fashion, food, music or anything else, and doesn't impose their choices on others, so be it.

It's another first..

Today is Tara's play date with her classmate. For the first time, my Tara is without me at someone else's house. Tara has been on one other play date, but I was there the whole time, making small talk with the other Mum, while the children played.

This time, the other Mum invited Tara over and suggested I leave her and collect her in a couple of hours. I was reluctant because a) I didn't know the lady well enough, other than the occasional chat at the school gates and b) I wasn't sure if Tara could cope being by herself. I was put in a spot, so accepted the invitation, but texted later to say I would come over with Tara to settle her and then leave if she was okay with it.

That sorted, Tara and I went over today after school for the play date. Just as I started explaining to the other Mum how my little girl was shy and I might spend a few minutes settling her in, I noticed that Tara was off like a shot, on the trampoline, laughing and playing with the other children in the house! I stood there gaping and trying to put some words together while the other Mum smiled and said she would be fine. It was obvious who the anxious one was, and it wasn't Tara. It was Tara's Mum. Tara throws me a lot of curve balls. I always prided myself at being collected and in control of most situations, until Tara came into my life. Nothing was predictable anymore.

So I came back after leaving my not-yet-five year old, wondering what I was feeling. I was proud that Tara had the confidence to be without me and have a good time while she was at it. I was a bit nervous if I had done the right thing leaving her. Saying that, the other Mum was friendly and loving to Tara as were the children. Even the Grandmother was around for the day, and I got a good vibe from it all. But deep down, I feel a strange sadness. What is this feeling? I think it has something to do with my child not needing me. I know it's irrational, and every Mummy bird instinctively trains her Baby bird to fly and leave the nest eventually.

I just wasn't ready for 'eventually' to be today. Ten more minutes and I can pick up my Baby bird. Thank God she can't drive yet! :-)

Busy, busy weekend

It's been a busy bank holiday weekend. My sister and her little boy came over to visit. It was a surprise for Tara who adores her older brother...that's my sister's son...not my secret first born :-)

Saturday started with picnics, and icecreams, while today was all about the beach, pub lunches and still more ice creams. We decided to ignore the weather and get on with having fun. Now its tired parents watching the news, and two blissed out children playing iphone games.

My sister and I are from a family of three, and we have one child each. My sister would have liked more children but had to settle for one, while I wanted none but decided on one. I don't think either my nephew or Tara feel deprived of siblings, neither are they spoiled children. They are both gentle, well mannered children who meet each other with great affection everytime they meet.

A lot of theories abound regarding only children and the disadvantages of being one, thankfully many of them disproved by this lovely boy and little girl totally content and happy playing together, and equally happy when they are by themselves.

The festivities continue! Bring out the pick-your-own strawberries and cream!

It's been three days since I've written and I do not enjoy the feeling. My blog space is my friend...a friendly friend, a non judgemental friend, a friend who does an amazing job of keeping giving me clarity and  perspective.

For three days, things in my life went awry.
1. The Husband who is never sick, fell sick.
2. Tara developed constipation and was a troubled child.
3. In my distracted worried state, I accidentally deleted my entire life's work from my computer - permanently.

Three days ago I would have rated the above events differently in order of trauma to self. I am surprised at how I reacted to the events of the past few days, and how quickly I proceeded from shock and horror to  realization, that as long as I have love, health and determination with me, nothing is as bad as it seems. I also noticed how much I agonized over events I had no control over. Shakespeare's words never rang 'truer' - "What's done cannot be undone." He should have also added, "Just get over it" or "Get on it with".

The computer. What can I say? Everything I had ever achieved, my past work, awards, records of achievements, my writing which I had hoped to publish someday, my insurance details, my correspondence records with various people, and some more...all gone. I was in the process of changing my computer, and was transferring data from my computer to an external hard drive. Things happened. All gone. I stressed, cried, tried every possible mode of recovery, then heard The Husband wheeze and collapse.

I checked him and he had a fever and was coughing and holding his head. He was due to drive back to work in a few hours but couldn't make the four and a half hour commute in this state. Knowing The Husband, he doesn't fall ill often, having taken only a day or two sick days in the last few years. I have never seen him so wobbly and ill. I had barely sorted him out when Tara's loud screams from the bathroom made me sprint to her.

She was inching away from the toilet, recoiling away from it, refusing to sit for a poop overdue by two days. That is a whole different story that ended with me playing midwife to my screaming daughter's giant, hard, never-seen-anything-like-it poop.

That was three days ago. This morning, the Husband is back at work, Tara is normal and getting ready for school with a smile, my data is lost forever. I can't do a thing about it, so I rationalized the issue, looking for some straw to clutch. I'm not back at work yet. Could this be a sign for me to re-think my work life? Does this give me an opportunity to re-train in something I really want to do, without the baggage of past achievements in a field I excelled at, but did not enjoy?

It will take me a while to really get over my data loss. I remember telling The Husband, my eyes full of tears, "I feel like a part of me does not exist anymore." That moment was very, very difficult. Then my little family had it's health crisis, and made me realize that I was still 'Mum' who has 'stuff' to do...so do I will.

Attention!

Attention all men! Attention also, all women who are lucky enough not to suffer from PMS.

PMS is real. It is not a figment of imagination. It affects the lives of millions of women worldwide, who have to fight the additional battle of how they are "supposed" to feel, against how they "really" feel. Some men, especially at the workplace, remark that it must be the "time of the month" should a woman not be even tempered on the day. Some women who do not experience PMS themselves, are also surprisingly insensitive and critical of their fellow sisters.

PMS is sometimes accompanied by a deeply uncomfortable physical aspect, where the slightest touch feels sharp, and parts of the body wince to the touch. It has varying degrees, from mild symptoms in nearly all women, feelings to extremely debilitating symptoms in some unlucky few.

Women with partners who are kind and sensitive to her during "those" days are very lucky. A hundred strewn socks and mugs are forgiven for them, and rightly so. I've had various post pregnancy health issues since having Tara, mercifully all of which were resolved this year. I probably suffer mild PMS once in a while, and still get very annoyed that I do. I do feel for women, especially Mums who have severe PMS. Life as a Mum is challenging enough, but adding loss of control on top of how one feels is terrible.

I wrote this today because of someone I know who has suffered quite severely, but considered herself too strong to seek help. Yesterday she finally decided to approach her doctor for relief. I hope she finds that relief without losing her self confidence or her belief that she is indeed a strong woman. Seeking help for PMS should be viewed as seeking help for any other medical condition, but it is not. Like depression.

It also struck me that my little girl who is four and a half will grow into a woman one day. I have to "talk" to her about changes to her body and what to expect. I don't remember my Mum having any "talks" with me. Things just happened and she showed me how to deal with it as we went along. I was fine with it. Do I want to follow the same approach with my little one? Not sure. Schools these days give a lot of information to very young children than they did before. The timing is not necessarily in the parents' control either. Under such circumstances, it is perhaps prudent for Mum to "get in there" first.

I am not looking forward to it. Maybe I shouldn't think about it...yet. The time span of innocence is getting shorter. Right now I want tolive in a world of dolls and fairies, bubbles and pink things, and all those things that little girls grow out of quickly.

I love you Tara. I will look after you the best I can. Can't wait for you to get back from school today. Mummy needs to give you a hug.