Time Frame

I am going to attempt to make a list. It is daunting and will mentally take me to a very dark and hopeless time. I may or may not even remember everything.This may or may not match other people’s experience. But it was mine. Each of these symptoms was like a bead on a string of bafflement. Not a pretty necklace, but a choker that was too tight and was tightened and loosened at will, to bring me to heel.

They did not come at me one at a time. They were all there, some taking centre stage in sub-groups, while others stood around waiting insidiously for their turn. They swapped and changed positions, but were all there, all day, everyday and night. I acknowledged and looked each one in the eye. I suffered each one’s assault, but also spent the time in its company, examining it, looking for clues on how to defeat it. Looking for a way out.

I remember the spot where I stood in my kitchen when I had to visualise an altered future long or short, with no end in sight. From that day in November 2021, to this day, I have come a long, long way. 

It is a combination of Miracle + Luck + A lot of lonely, heroic hard work.

Im not going to be shy about this. If I hadn’t made myself a hero, I don’t believe I would be here. Many of the symptoms are gone, some I have made peace with and others I will gladly tolerate in exchange for the life I have now. No, I don’t believe I am as I was before. But I am good! I also have my time frame to heal:

My Whole Life !