Playground bullies

You can read all the books you want, take as many deep breaths as you want to and resolve to be zen like at all times. But when you see your only little child surrounded by bullies on the school playground, it breaks your composure faster than you can imagine.

Tara has had a good week back at school. She's very proud of being a junior, and really wants to learn and make herself and her whole family proud. She was happy going to school this morning. On reaching the playground where a bunch of her classmates were playing a game, she ran eagerly to join them. She joined them and stood outside the circle they had formed, clapping along. I watched from the school gates, out of sight, and was about to leave when I did a double take. One of the kids had pushed her into the circle. They walked around her as she clasped her hands. Then they started pushing her, nudging her from one to the other as her face fell and fear fluttered across her face.

I waited anther second wondering whether I should get in there. I wanted to protect her as other teachers and parents milled around, doing nothing. I felt a lump rise in my throat as I battled in my head if I would make things worse by going in. A few seconds later Tara broke away from the group, fighting back tears, she yelled at one of the boys and went away from the group. The little monsters went back to their game clapping and singing.

I pressed against the wall not wanting Tara to see me as she would have probably been mortified had she seen me..watching her.

The whistle went..the kids lined up, as did Tara. She reluctantly smiled at another little girl, who thankfully smiled back. They had a little chat and started walking away. I left right away not wanting to see anything else. I drove back home in a bad mood, I reached home in a bad mood, I cooked in a bad mood (and I knew dinner would be a sad affair). I finished all the morning laundry, and sat down thinking about all the theories I shattered.

All my meditation, reiki and spiritual practices teach me to lean away from mental chatter and let it pass. I believe it, I practice it, but fail again and again when faced with situations like today. Then light dawned. Life will always have these situations, for Tara and for myself. The idea is to hang on to our beliefs and try again and again, no matter how many times we fail. Maybe we will keep trying and failing all our lives. But you know what? That's okay....

We will keep trying...and be better people for it. (Even if I felt a spike of pride when Tara yelled at the boy before walking away. That's my little fluffy tiger!)