Sisters are supposed to be a blessing. Your partner in crime, your back-up, your best friend.
My sister is three years older than me. She was the first child in the family and everyone's favourite. I was one of the many middle ones including cousins that came along, so nothing much to talk about there. My earliest memories have no recollection of my sister being around me. We had a strange family set up. It's called a joint family. Led by my grandfather, who had four children, (including my father), everyone lived in the same large family home till they got married and left.
I attempted to establish some camaraderie with my sister for several years, but was met with disinterest. Later, she had her own set of friends, who alongwith her self-absorbtion filled up her days. For years there was no hostility between us, but no bonding either. At some point, maybe after she got married and left, she entered our lives as the self proclaimed custodian of my parents well being and master bully. The fact that my parents were in dire financial straits, and she was a support, (being married to a wealthy banker) may have contributed to her rising power and mind numbing rudeness. I put up with it, because by and large I didn't matter in her head, and our paths rarely crossed.
I may have mentioned earlier that my early life in this manic house was distressing and troubled. I never had anyone to turn to. There was just one time when I approached her over a boy-servant exposing himself to me. She did accompany me to our mother to share the same. No one did anything about it, and I just moved on to living the next day...and the next.
Over the years my sister has been very unkind and judgemental towards me. I always took her harshness with a pinch of salt and carried on. So I don't consider it at all odd that I never spoke to her about any issues or challenges I faced in what I call the second phase of life.
Recently with the problems with Tara and The Husband, it was very obvious to people around us that there were issues. Out of the blue she called one day, warning me to sort myself out as I was hurting Tara-her niece. I calmly told her to leave it alone as it was complex, and I was still trying to figure it out myself. She wouldn't stop. She poked and prodded and made very sort of judgement I told her to leave it alone as she had no idea of the back ground or the dynamics at play. She said she was always there so I could tell her what the problems were. Exactly twenty years ago she pushed me out of my parents home. I was lost, cornered and frightened into making a decision for myself. The decision of marrying The Husband. More on that later.
I declined her matter of fact offer, saying that from my point of view I didn't think I could share anything with her. She proved me right within thirty seconds. She launched a searing verbal attack on me like no other. I listened to her acid laced diatribe about how I was difficult and useless, etc. I let it all slide, because it has never been possible to engage in a logical discussion with her. She denies the phrase 'her way or the highway.' Things would have been no different, until her last few words rolled out. In that moment in time, her words turned into slow motion as the full impact of them left a deep scar in me that Im afraid will never heal.
My sister is three years older than me. She was the first child in the family and everyone's favourite. I was one of the many middle ones including cousins that came along, so nothing much to talk about there. My earliest memories have no recollection of my sister being around me. We had a strange family set up. It's called a joint family. Led by my grandfather, who had four children, (including my father), everyone lived in the same large family home till they got married and left.
I attempted to establish some camaraderie with my sister for several years, but was met with disinterest. Later, she had her own set of friends, who alongwith her self-absorbtion filled up her days. For years there was no hostility between us, but no bonding either. At some point, maybe after she got married and left, she entered our lives as the self proclaimed custodian of my parents well being and master bully. The fact that my parents were in dire financial straits, and she was a support, (being married to a wealthy banker) may have contributed to her rising power and mind numbing rudeness. I put up with it, because by and large I didn't matter in her head, and our paths rarely crossed.
I may have mentioned earlier that my early life in this manic house was distressing and troubled. I never had anyone to turn to. There was just one time when I approached her over a boy-servant exposing himself to me. She did accompany me to our mother to share the same. No one did anything about it, and I just moved on to living the next day...and the next.
Over the years my sister has been very unkind and judgemental towards me. I always took her harshness with a pinch of salt and carried on. So I don't consider it at all odd that I never spoke to her about any issues or challenges I faced in what I call the second phase of life.
Recently with the problems with Tara and The Husband, it was very obvious to people around us that there were issues. Out of the blue she called one day, warning me to sort myself out as I was hurting Tara-her niece. I calmly told her to leave it alone as it was complex, and I was still trying to figure it out myself. She wouldn't stop. She poked and prodded and made very sort of judgement I told her to leave it alone as she had no idea of the back ground or the dynamics at play. She said she was always there so I could tell her what the problems were. Exactly twenty years ago she pushed me out of my parents home. I was lost, cornered and frightened into making a decision for myself. The decision of marrying The Husband. More on that later.
I declined her matter of fact offer, saying that from my point of view I didn't think I could share anything with her. She proved me right within thirty seconds. She launched a searing verbal attack on me like no other. I listened to her acid laced diatribe about how I was difficult and useless, etc. I let it all slide, because it has never been possible to engage in a logical discussion with her. She denies the phrase 'her way or the highway.' Things would have been no different, until her last few words rolled out. In that moment in time, her words turned into slow motion as the full impact of them left a deep scar in me that Im afraid will never heal.
My sister said I was a ridiculous, neurotic, fantasist...and she hung up. I sat there, each of those words wafting into my perception like uncurling smoke from a candle. I processed them in order.
Ridiculous ; Deserving or inviting derision or mockery; Absurd. If even the mention of not sharing something with my sister makes me invite ridicule, it was a good thing I didn't attempt to share.
Neurotic: Mentally deranged; Paranoid. I'm obviously not in my senses according to her.
but
Fantasist: A serial liar, who imagines or makes up events. There is no come back from this one.
I was sexually abused from the age of maybe six...or seven, regularly, by male family members. Fact. It was done, continuously- in public. Fact. I was bullied, continuously, till I was much older, in public. Fact. I was denied an education, which I fought tooth and nail for - and achieved. Fact. I was pressurised into getting an arranged marriage, incessantly. I resisted. Fact. I found my feet, and an outlet in playing sport. I was not supported much inspite of showing talent. Fact. I won tournaments on my own steam, which I did because it gave me scholarship to university. Fact.
Ridiculous ; Deserving or inviting derision or mockery; Absurd. If even the mention of not sharing something with my sister makes me invite ridicule, it was a good thing I didn't attempt to share.
Neurotic: Mentally deranged; Paranoid. I'm obviously not in my senses according to her.
but
Fantasist: A serial liar, who imagines or makes up events. There is no come back from this one.
I was sexually abused from the age of maybe six...or seven, regularly, by male family members. Fact. It was done, continuously- in public. Fact. I was bullied, continuously, till I was much older, in public. Fact. I was denied an education, which I fought tooth and nail for - and achieved. Fact. I was pressurised into getting an arranged marriage, incessantly. I resisted. Fact. I found my feet, and an outlet in playing sport. I was not supported much inspite of showing talent. Fact. I won tournaments on my own steam, which I did because it gave me scholarship to university. Fact.
FACT! FACT! FACT! MANY MORE FACTS THAT CAME ALONG AFTER MARRIAGE.
I can be anything, but I AM NOT A FANTASIST.
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