I got a GH joint fluoro-guided cortisone injection in my shoulder. It was so painful that I was sobbing in the operation theatre and for a good hour afterwards when the nurse was pulling at my arm to get me into my clothes. I am a crier when I see kindness, love, happy weddings and when I’m relieved a bad thing is over. But I am not a crier during injury or medical procedures. So when I say it was painful. It was.
Would I do it again? Hell yes! One month on, my frozen shoulder is pain free when not pushing out of the frozen boundaries. Yes, I have limited range of motion, but it’s not in the incessant agony it was in before the injection.
I’ve had frozen shoulder before. 5 years ago on my left shoulder. This time it’s on my right side and I’m doing it differently.
What I did in 2018:
Went in for physio first..lots of it. My frozen shoulder started with a minor pain, escalated to severe pain, went into the freezing stage but still had pain, three years later the freezing subsided but the niggling pain went on. In 2021, I went for the GH joint fluoro-guided injection from the back of the shoulder. Within a month I was fine. Somewhere towards 2020, the minor niggle on my right shoulder had begun, maybe some freezing had set in and it resolved to acceptable levels over time.
Then in early 2023 I remember throwing a towel over my head, up to The Husband at the top of the steps. I remember a short, scary twinge and it all started. Around May - June 2023 the pain was noticeable and annoying. I remember being on a plane in August 2023 and struggling to use my right arm with the over head locker. The agony started around September 2023 and was full blown in October 2023. I finally fainted with the pain on two occasions, falling on furniture and injuring myself with bruises. I remembered the futility of the early physio the previous time, so went in for the injection in December 2023.
It was the best decision I made, at least in terms of my sanity and the freedom from the pain. I am doing only one or two very simple exercises whenever I remember : finger walking up the wall and pendulum stretch. My arm is still frozen but the range has improved. Anytime I do a bit beyond my capacity it starts with the ominous ache again, but icing and paracetamol along with complete rest sorts it out in a day or so.
I am not able to do everything I used to. At peak pain level in October 2023 I was also struck down by a viral infection. Lying down in a crumpled pile with pain and illness I realised that neither The Husband nor Tara checked on me, came to sit by me to talk or dare I say made a little bit of bit of fuss over me. Isn’t that what a loving family is supposed to do? I was alone and didn’t even get offered one cup of tea. In that condition, something broke inside me. I still can’t put a finger on it, but I think something was gone. Of course when I mentioned this to my sister, she instantly said, I should have asked if I wanted anything. I regret saying anything to her.
Whenever Tara was unwell, be it a pesky bug, a scraped knee, a stomach pain I was making meal plans, sitting by her, giving her a hug and lots of kisses, googling all night to find something to ease her discomfort. When it was something more serious, I battled the entire hospital, the Husband and the GPs to not dismiss Tara and to treat her. It turned out she had sepsis setting in on one occasion and a blocked bowel on another. I remember literally carrying her on my frozen shoulder to seek help at the Emergency department and refusing to back off till someone helped her. I have apology letters from the hospital to prove I didn’t over react. I understand that any Mum…any loving parent would have done what I did, she didn’t have to ask.
Then when I was sinking after covid with a heart rate in the 200s, disoriented and gasping, why was The Husband barking at my face? When I was doing all the housework and cooking and driving with my frozen shoulder how come no one offered to help? Did I need to ask? Can no one see me?
Now Tara doesn’t even talk to me other than asking for dinner or telling me the time to drop her off at school. Her communication to me is now via The Husband. What happened? Deer in the headlights is how I feel. I did ask her directly, has anything happened? She just stared blankly, not a word from her lips. The last 16 years Tara was my job, my first thought in the morning, my last thought at night. I am genuinely without a job or purpose, and it happened suddenly. It wasn’t the organic drift of a teenage child. It was sudden. No explanation.
The only coherent thing I got from The Husband when I made a millionth attempt to talk to him about Tara was - Don’t blame me. I didn’t prevent anything but I didn’t do anything . That was enough for me. It was true. He had never done anything. Literally nothing, and he didn’t prevent anything either. When in 2018 after a heated discussion he told me to back off and that he would manage Tara. Since then his idea of management was to do absolutely nothing. Tara’s bedtime fell away, she’s still up after midnight. Her eating habits are out of control it’s either McDonald’s or shop bought microwave meals. He won’t cook. She’s unfailingly late for everything, time has no value, her mobile phone is in her room all night etc. Zero structure, but The Husband is now the popular parent.
Whatever this abandonment from Tara is, whatever this shift in my heart and mind is, I hope that I am led to my purpose. They say that when your heart and mind don’t agree, you should just wait. When they align, the answers will come.
I’m waiting.
